Saturday, 30 December 2017


Ramai orang salah faham pasal istikarah
Lebih ramai orang yang menggunakan dan menunggang agama semata-mata dan menjadikan istikarah sebagai satu alasan untuk menghalalkan perbuatan mereka yang tak sepatutnya

Ramai orang perlu faham
Bila istikarah masa tu hati dan perasaan neutral
Tak ada bias atau pun perasaan yang memberat ke arah yang dipilih oleh hati dan diri sendiri
Sebab in the end,
Kau cuma mengikut hati dan perasaan 
dan sebenarnya itu dah langsung tak ada kaitan dengan istikarah
waktu tu istikarah cumalah satu alasan ataupun excuse yang dibuat-buat

Tapi masih ramai yang buat macam ni
Dan akhirnya mempergunakan perkataan istikarah tu demi kepentingan sendiri
Berhentilah mempergunakan agama sedemikian rupa

Tidak salah untuk membuat keputusan yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri
Cuma, janganlah gunakan agama dengan cara macam tu

That is not how it should works.

Sunday, 17 December 2017

Gender Equility

So I just come across this stupid statement on twitter
Whoever tweet this are definitely still living in the ancient times.
No doubt about that.

such statement irk the hell out of me.
why do you expect when going out for a date, mesti lelaki nak kena bayar semua.
the way i see it.. 
that is not considered as manner or 'just trying to be a gentleman'
this is 2017
stop looking down on girls please..
let us do it too sometimes

2017, perempuan dah dapat buat most of the thing yang lelaki boleh buat
You want to talk about pride? or maruah?
So you expect only boys should be paying when going on a date because perempuan ni takde pride and maruah?
Is that is how it is?


In a relationship, ada tolak ansur.
Semua kena divide lah
Ada time laki bayar ada time perempuan yang bayar
Serius aku rasa tak sweet langsung if lelaki kena tanggung semua. EVERYTIME
For me, I'll see the man as someone who looks down of girls because he thinks that girls can't do it
While the girl, if she expects the guy to pay for her every single time. She deserve a golden shovel so it is even easier for her to dig the gold (in a simple way of saying -- Gold Digger)

This is 2017 kot
Gender equality applies
Girls, jangan bebankan lelaki sangat, don't put all the burden on their shoulder, jangan tahu nak kikis duit je sampai nak kawin pun harapkan lelaki je sediakan semua
Guys, kadang-kadang ajar jugak your girls to be independent and tak manja sangat or they'll end up as a sendu, lembik, weak girl in the future...

Just my rant.

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Have you ever in your life
You achieve something big but you think it comes to you way easily
And now you doubt it
You feel like there's something wrong with this
It shouldn't be this easy
It can't be this easy

That's exactly what I feel now

Yeah, I am an ambitious girl
Living in a world full of competitive people

Honestly not to brag
I achieve big things in life without needing to go through some kind of struggle and hardship to achieve something
And now that I think of it
I feel there's something off about that

Like, you know the feeling when you think the situation is not right

I often heard people told me that I worked hard but refuse to acknowledge my own efforts
but me, myself...
I don't think so
I don't think I had worked hard enough to come to the place I am right now
That's why I'm thinking why it is too easy

I often heard people say I am good at something thus making me successfully achieve something
But hearing that just make me feeling embarrassed to myself as I know that I am actually lacking a lot

I know this is called Rezeki
I am really grateful to what I have achieved until this moment
But I know I could do better


Few weeks ago
I was offered a job right under the Senior Manager in a big company by the Sr Mgr himself 
(I'm not going to mention the name but it have something to do with Water in KL & Selangor)
Since I am working with this one project right now which is under him
And I am the one who manage this project
The Senior Manager itself offer me to just continue in what I am doing
And be right under him

He was saying that he will resign after this project end
Which will make me rise up to his current position as a Senior Manager as soon as he did that
I really think I don't deserve that just yet
There's still a lot for me to learn

He also told me that there's a possibility that if I take that job people will hate me 
Because I will be the youngest person ever to be in that position
Plus I am a girl no scratch that woman to be exact
Honestly That is not what my concern is

I just know I didn't deserve this offer
There's still a lot of things that I am lacking with
Still a lot I need to learn 

People says I'm letting go such a golden opportunity
But I think it hurts my pride and I am blocking other's opportunity by accepting the job
The job I mentioned takes at least 15 years of experience to be an expert
But I only involves in this project just about a month
I am just a bud
They say they see potential
I know but that place was too high for me
I want to but deep in my heart I just know this is not my time yet

I want to be there
I really do
But I think I need to sharpen my swords first
before blatantly jump into a position that wasn't reserved for me
I wan't to claim that place with pride and dignity
Proudly the moment I know I deserve it
But it is not now I know
Sooner or later I'll be there
And people will acknowledge me as the 'one'
And that is my moment

I always wonder
If the people who got into a position because of  having some "cable" or an insider in a company
when they actually doesn't meet the requirement for the position
I know deep inside their heart the must feel a sense of  guilt and ashamed of themselves
For claiming something that initially wasn't meant for them
I think that is how I feel if I ever accept something I don't deserve
And it will hurt me for a long time... Mentally.

Friday, 29 September 2017

Wednesday, 27 September 2017

Hai awak,
Sebelum nak justify your lie and your pretentious side
Please work out on your English first

It is bad enough that your were trying to rub that lies into my face
Pretending that you were innocent
(When the world obviously know that you were not)
I thought you are a corporate-level worker,
Now how could you even flunk with that simple English

You don't need to add 's' in a noun when it is singular form
Using article a shouldn't be followed by nouns with -s
Urgh FFS

Honestly, if other people do this I don't care at all
The truth is I never care at all
We all have our learning phases
And me myself aren't even good at it

But because you always rub your nose in my business
That kinda irk the hell out of me.

Young Queen, Young Bo$$
That's what I am

Saturday, 23 September 2017


I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy
'Cause I can't escape the gravity

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on

Why is everything so heavy?
You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same

I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me

I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on

To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

Why is everything so heavy?

Why is everything so heavy?

- Linkin Park, Kiiara

Friday, 22 September 2017

After 4 days demam malam
Harini baru rasa nak pergi check kat klinik
Bukan ape
Sebab takut ada denggi je
Kawasan aku duduk sekarang ni dah lah memang hospot untuk denggi huks

Pulak tu haritu batuk berdarah
Haa just in case pergilah check weh

So tadi dia amik sample darah
Sebab nak check kot denggi
Ada dua nurse
Sorang mungkin trainee, sorang lagi memang nurse yang dah lama kot
Kena time aku nak amik sample darah tu dapat la kat nurse trainee tu

First, dia cari vein aku tak jumpa
Pastu second aku tanya "sakit tak?"
Biasanya mesti nurse akan cakap "tak sakit pun, rasa cam gigit semut je."
Nurse ni boleh bantai jawab "Sakit, amik darah kan" senyum senyum
Stress aku
Tapi aku pun gatal pergi tanya
Padan muka aku

Dah la memang takut jarum takut darah semua weh
Pastu aku buat tough je la
Buat-buat berani
Malu lah kan nak tunjuk takut dekat orang kan

Tengah-tengah trainee nurse tu nak amik darah aku
Dengar nurse lagi sorang tu tegur kat nurse trainee tu
"Jangan tolak-tolak, kalau tak boleh masuk angkat sikit"
Seram bhai
Kau cucuk ape doh kat lengan aku 

Dah la dia cucuk dalam sikit huks
Tengah-tengah dia amik darah tu boleh pulak dia tukar orang
sebab nurse trainee tu tak reti
Bapak lahh

Lepas amik darah tu weh aku takleh bangun kot
Nak pitam
Dia ni amik darah or sedut darah

After this and that kena masuk balik bilik dr tadi
Dia kata ok semua
Tapi kalau teruk pergi check lagi sekali

Pastu gi kaunter amik ubat
RM100++ weh
OMG nasib baik ada cash
Dah la akhir bulan ni tak masuk lagi gaji noks

Makin sakit lepas dengar dia charge 
Speechless sat aku

Balik rumah jadi makin tak larat nak compare dengan time pergi tadi
Kalau tahu camni baik aku tunggu baik sendiri je.
Melayang RM 100.

Thursday, 21 September 2017

He Deserves Better Than You

You left him
for the reason;
He deserves better than you
When you completely know
It was just a lame excuse
The world already know
You had eyed another gold mine before your declaration
Hence, the reason of your shift of heart

You left him with the reason;
He deserves better than you
And then he meets me
I just realized maybe you were right after all

He deserves better than you.
He deserves me

And I am always better than you.

Tuesday, 19 September 2017

Red Sun

Let me be dark
What’s the use of forcing myself to be bright?
Just one candle
That can’t be a light for me
My eyes open and morning is here again
The weather is gray just for me
With my left eye filled with humidity
I hope the dream I look at is clear
I blowing out smoke
I almost shook from that wind
I took a breath and met eyes with you
I keep opening my eyes hard
Don’t make conclusions
My emotions are never something you can buy and sell
The moment a fire lights my candle, my heart
I’ll hypnotize you
I want you to get away from me, Red Sun

Going crazy
Like something’s come over me
Losing my mind
The moment you wake up, you gonna die
Yah, after I count to three, you’ll fall asleep
Red sun red sun red sun

Without even knowing
I’ll make you focus on me
My hypnotizing game
Red hair
Candles turning off
Your mind is fall asleep
Pouring medicine on my microphone
Writing a dramatic song that’ll change prejudice
My existence is against the rules
My goal doesn’t change
My steps have increased twice as much
I’m on the next step
As if this three minute performance is all
I’m hypnotizing myself
Now there’s just one step
Tell me you took it off
The failure from 2 years ago (red sun)
The golden chain (red sun)
The moment I couldn’t put it around my neck
This game had started, now I’m on the stage
Don’t make conclusions
My emotions are never something you can buy and sell
The moment a fire lights my candle, my heart
I’ll hypnotize you
I want you to get away from me, Red Sun

Going crazy
Like something’s come over me
Losing my mind
The moment you wake up, you gonna die
Yah, after I count to three, you’ll fall asleep
Red sun red sun red sun

My life is an endless fight to change my name
Rather than day or night, my psyche has been fouled
Before, I had to scream for people to hear me
But now their ears are on my mouth
Bastards who deny my existence
They’re sweating with no AC but they lie and say they’re ok
You know who I am but you might not
Because you saw me today and were bewitched

Going crazy
Like something’s come over me
Losing my mind
The moment you wake up, you gonna die
Yah, after I count to three, you’ll fall asleep
Red sun red sun red sun

Let me be dark
What’s the use of forcing myself to be bright?
Just one candle
That can’t be a light for me
My eyes open and morning is here again
I’m alone but the weather’s nice
With my left eye filled with humidity
I hope the dream I look at is clear

- Hanzoo, Swings

Monday, 18 September 2017

Life Like Filament

Quietly looking
At the light that brightens my small room
Too many ups and down
When will it go out?

Without you, what would I have become?
When I was poor, what I was in love
I told you, you wouldn’t be able to do this
Be careful of those, especially who are close to you

Twenty years old and failed to get into college
Fired from my hourly job and on the steps of a villa
I prayed
I knew that there was a zero perfect of success in this fight against the world
My nose kept getting more and more twisted
Just give me a drink, this is hip-hop
Like spraying it on top of a grave, like wutang

The small light looks nervous, you and I
It burns up your dreams
Hurry, pour oil on the fire
Then the light will shine more
But different from the moments of passion
How sad would this music have sounded to my mom?

Quietly looking
At the light that brightens my small room
Too many ups and down
When will it go out?

Maybe darkness is better
That might make me freer
Life like filament

Hikikomori alone in my small room
How did I last 10 years?
My answer is, I actually don’t even remember
I just went with the flow
Just cut off your eyes and ears from your family’s worries
When I come back, as if I stopped by the mart
I’ll buy a house

A strike against reality
How do I explain my dream on a powerpoint?
What’s the use of talking about things I don’t even know about
Let’s just have a glass of Moet Chandon
A lot of the loud ones are con men
How come dreams are so loud?
Did you really try your best?
You cowards

You can’t calculate the price of excuses
Someones unhappiness is the opposite of happiness
Even so, people step on it and stand up
All the good days have gone but
We’re going to a better place, put your seatbelt on

Quietly looking
At the light that brightens my small room
Too many ups and down
When will it go out?

Maybe darkness is better
That might make me freer
Life like filament

Now I’m buying jealousy, the most expensive one
Like a rap star or rock star
I kept singing, pathetically
Like Marilyn Monroe when she was a noname
Just keep going, filament
So no one can crush my heart
If you don’t have courage even after you have scars
Don’t come out of your room

But when you come out of the room, the world will have changed
Now so many people care about me
Whether the TV helps or however much money I make
I sleep well, my eyes close, my nieces and nephews greet me
If you like my cheap life story
I’ll give it all, take me

Quietly looking
At the light that brightens my small room
Too many ups and down
When will it go out?

Maybe darkness is better
That might make me freer
Maybe darkness is better
That might make me freer, life
Maybe darkness is better
That might make me freer
Life like filament

- Nucksal, BSK

Thursday, 14 September 2017

Semalam kan tengah tido tiba-tiba terjaga pukul 4 AM
Sebab mimpi ngeri.
Tau mimpi ape?
Mimpi tengah amik test.
Bukak je paper tu, tengok ada 3 section

Section A: Multiple choice questions
Section B: Ni yang ni satgi aku bagitahu sebab ni yang susah
Section C: English essay

Weh yang lain tu soalan senang je except Section B
Nak tahu soalan ape.
Soalan KPOP WTH!

Serius weh tak boleh jawab langsung

Sampai pagi ni saat aku tengah tulis post ni aku ingat lagi soalan dia
"What is JayPark's height and when was his birthday."

Kisah pulak aku bila birthday dia
Berapa tinggi dia

Sebab soalan tu lah aku tak sempat jawab habis paper tu
Dah la section tu dapat kosong markah
Pastu sempat buat introduction je untuk Section C

Aku pun tak sure kenapalah aku tak terfikir nak siapkan je Section C tu baru pergi tengok Section B
Memang tak dapat jawab lah kan

Tapi ni mimpi OK, Just a dream

Aku rasa sebab aku fikir sangat ni pasal nak kena amik test kat KL Jumaat ni
Dengar kata ada soalan ekonomi
OMG Last aku belajar ekonomi time 2011 ke 2012 kot time diploma
Mana ingat alaaaaa

Test lain macam english dengan IQ tu aku tak risau sangat
Tapi tang soalan Isu semasa, ekonomi dan kalau dia mintak advance math (calculus) masak lah aku
English confident lagi

Satu lagi maybe sebab aku penat petang tu sebab tu boleh mimpi bukan-bukan tu
Petang tu lepas habis kerja tak balik rumah terus
Pergi Pusat Komersial Seksyen 7 dulu nak print latest resume dengan dokumen-dokumen lain
Pastu singgah pasar malam, jalan kaki kot ke situ
Lama dah tak jalan macam tu rasa jauh pulak
Dengan bawak beg laptop berat nye

Pastu lepas dah balik dari pasar tu 
Ingat nak tunggu bas dekat tempat tunggu bas yang dekat depan pasar malam tu
Tapi ramai laki kat situ, takut lah kan nak tunggu situ
So I decided nak tunggu dekat Bus Stop kat Masjid Seksyen 7 tu
Weh sumpah aku ingat dekat
Jauh gila rupanya dalam 15-20 minit jalan kaki plus bawak beg laptop lagi, handbag
Menyesal pulak tiba-tiba tengah jalan
dah la penat kerja 

Pastu rupa-rupanya dah dekat pukul 7 masa sampai kat Bus Stop Masjid Seksyen 7 tu
Memang bas biasanya dah tak ada waktu tu
SO aku malas nak tunggu
decide nak jalan sampai balik rumah dekat depan tasik seksyen 7 tu
Nak request Grab tapi takde tenet

Makanya, jalan kaki lah aku petang semalam dari Pusat Komersial Seksyen 7 sampai lah ke Tasik Shah Alam

Amik kau, bangun pagi ni rasa sengal habis kat seluruh badan
Padan muka
gigih lagi 

Tapi kan nasib baik kali ni sepanjang perjalanan tu takde pulak orang tegur
"Awak OK ke ni" - macam masa kat Dungun dulu
When I attempted to walk from UiTM sampai ke rumah sewa yang dekat dengan sekolah menengah tu
Aku rasa time tu mesti orang yang tegur tu ingat aku ada mental breakdown LOL
Yela, tak dibuat orang jalan kaki camtu, bukan takde bas atau van 'kunyit'' waktu tu,
Saje sebenarnya nak buat achievement unlock tapi lepas abang tu tegur baru aku cam sedar, bahaya jugak nak balik camtu sorang-sorang

Sunday, 10 September 2017

To write or not to write
Well that's the question

Author Block

Back in 2010, i started writing stories and novels
So my genre of course la thriller and action kan
since I can't cope at all with romantic novel
I'll be like "Eww eww eww"
LOL Geli.. Kah kah kah

But there are still bits of romance elements in my novel just as click baits
But not too heavy

Well I finished my first ever novel in 2012 if I am not mistaken
It was my first ever and I am so proud of it
Reading feedback and positive comments from my subscribers is the best feeling ever

And then I wrote another novel
Well it got a positive feedback but then I go into an hiatus and left that novel with cliffhanger
You wanna why?

As I mentioned before
I sucks in writing romance or chicklit
Like writing a romantic novel is super duper challenging to me
I can't finish even a sentence without cringing the hell out of myself
So then I got author block and go on hiatus
And it is freaking 4 years since I am on hiatus

Plus I further my study
And then I realised there's too many things to do as you become older
And yup no more time to waste
I never think writing novel as a waste of time though

I think my biggest mistake is I challenge myself too soon
I wasn't ready
At all

Writing romantic novel is a challenge for me
And I screw it completely
Maybe I should stick on action or thriller genre
Any genre that is no cheesy and make people actually use their brain and thinking
Plot twist is compulsory

Well you got to admit
Romantic genre doesn't really give a space for people to think
Personally I think it is just a genre suitable to make you feel all dreamy
And unrealistic
Well they are like weeds I think
Because it makes you imagine thing that aren't real
and sometime illogical at all
True story.

But if you want to exercise your mind
Then sci-fi, fantasy, detective, thriller would be good for you
But it is an individual preference
So no pressure. *kiss*

Thursday, 7 September 2017

"Hey are you okay?"

"Yes. Sure."

It's a lie.
It's a damn lie.
And she is a pretty little liar.
She is not okay.
She never was.

Sangat malas nya nak buat programming
Programming ni best sebenarnya bila semua ada solution
Bila kau tahu semua syntax and algorithm
Alaaaa tapi aku level noob-ies je
Bosan nya selagi tak dapat solution 
Ahhh nak nangis
Due kerja ni dah la akhir bulan ni
Help me!!!!!

Thursday, 31 August 2017

Today he met my ummi!!!
I am so excited like super excited
Even though we were both are very nervous before that

So the story goes like
I was planning to just stay in Shah Alam during AidilAdha 
Because I got no bus ticket
-- Serve me right for not buying the ticket a month before raya

So he said he would send me to my house
Because he doesn't want me to be left alone in Shah Alam for 5 days

So yeah, he come all the way to Terengganu 
Just to send me home
Even though he lives in Kuantan which was even nearer from our starting point
I mean, it would take him less hours on the highway if he just drop me somewhere and then just go home
But he was willing to send me home with an additional 4 hours on the road
And he also got backpain
-- Bae I am soo sorry

OMG I was soooo moved
I can feel his sincerity
I am happy that ummi like him too
So maybe this is another step for us?

Like it is a miracle to be an important someone to my 10-years long crush.

Friday, 25 August 2017

Serius orang yang memang dilahirkan cantik ni,
Pakai apa pun cantik
Pakai simple je pun nampak menarik
Tak perlu nak trim kening, mekap tebal apa semua
Kahwin pun make-up simple-simple je tapi Subhanallah teramatlah cantik
Event sederhana pun nampak elegant dan vogue sangat. Huks

So lucky...

Wednesday, 23 August 2017

It gonna sound harsh when I  called you by names.
But don't you think it's better to keep  your nose out of my business.
I understand that you are curious about my life.
But NO I'm not.
So please stop being delusional.
Even though I know you had been doing that since forever.
Much Love Kitten..

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Make it Rain

Welcome everybody
you know about me?
In a word
We’re so precious
Everytime we come back
We wreak havoc all Shit
Hey guys! this zone is mine

Doing better or not
I don’t care
I’m worse than badness
I don’t care if you run or not
It’s not my business
Now it’s my turn
Get away rookies

Baby don’t tell nobody
I think I’m almost arrived on the top
Shout out, Errbody
Cuz I’m gonna gonna
get you wet

I make it rain
They said Ho-woo Ho-woo Ho-woo
I make it rain
Localized heavy rain, Ho-woo Ho-woo

Money long long
I got money to blow-ow
Money long long
I got money to blow-ow

I make it rain
Localized heavy rain, Ho-woo

You will get angry with envy
We know well
You will point to us and call crazy guys
That’s not wrong
But no problem
I’ll do spit instead of plagiarism

Believe or not
I don’t care
I’m the best in the best guys’ group
Right or not
It’s not a problem
Just take it

Baby don’t tell nobody
I think I’m almost arrived on the top
Shout out, Errbody
Cuz I’m gonna gonna
get you wet

I make it rain
They said Ho-woo Ho-woo Ho-woo
I make it rain
Localized heavy rain, Ho-woo Ho-woo

Money long long
I got money to blow-ow
Money long long
I got money to blow-ow

I make it rain
Localized heavy rain, Ho-woo Ho-woo

Finally it’s our turn
We can control everything, Yeah
Baby don’t tell nobody
Don’t tell nobody body
Now Let’s fill up the glass Uh uh
Watch yo underwear
Now Let’s drink
Stop making a film NG

I make it rain
They said Ho-woo Ho-woo Ho-woo
I make it rain
Localized heavy rain, Ho-woo Ho-woo

Money long long
I got money to blow-ow
Money long long
I got money to blow-ow

- Block B (Bastarz)

It doesn't leave even a slightest impact when you try to blurt out sarcasm or jab at people with broken English.

Grammar matters.
True story. 

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Defying the Fate

There are always two paths spread for us to follow in this life
The first path lead to  one destiny
Finishing the main goal
The main mission
Level Beginner

The other one offer challenges
Hidden quest
Side quest in gaining experience and encounter more people
Level Expert

No matter which one you choose it will still lead to the one and only ending
Game over. You win.

The difference is some people let everything to fate without having an idea on how to change their destiny
The just go with the flow not brave enough to fight for what they want and just let fate decide

On the other hand, there are people who believe that they can change their own destiny
The believe in effort
And never let fate decide anything for them
They are the real MVP

No matter which path you choose
It will eventually lead you to the same finishing line
The difference is in your XP
And it decide how your courage are
Nothing wrong with either
It still make us, us

Monday, 14 August 2017

LOL kesian si Acap
kat tempat baru dia ada lah dia kena gosip dengan sorang minah ni
Dah minah tu sekarang, fikir yang Acap syok kat dia

Dulu time diploma dengan degree ni Acap memang rapat lah jugak dengan perempuan and biasanya memang selalu kena gosip pun
dengan sesape je  boleh jadi
Biasa bagi dia
Aku dengan Acap pernah jugak time dip siap lecturer doakan lagi
Time degree sebab kamcing time jadi Sekretariat (dia lah yang tarik aku masuk)
Bersayang-sayang bagai takde simpan dalam hati pun
Tapi takde lah pulak sampai perasan camtu


Kesian Acap doh

Girls, kadang-kadang most of the time kita  ni overthink
Tapi memang betul pun perempuan lagi cepat perasan berbanding dengan laki
Tak boleh laki rapat sikit
Dia rasa suka
Tak boleh buat ape lah kan sebab tu naturally
Tapi kesian lah kawan tu kau duk kacau 24/7

OMG my ex-crush dah kawen last week
And their punya wedding is so simple but I really love the theme colour
Like so cantiks
His wife is so pretty

Since we got some mutual friends (me and his wife)
Selalu la jugak tengok dia punya IG updates naik kat IG explore
She's so modest and nice
And really got a nice smile

Even pun come from wealthy family
She's so humble
And she's the sister and sister in law of two famous Muslimah Fashion designer kt Malaysia (kalau mention for sure uolls kenal)
No wonder wedding dress letups kebabow gituu. 
I really like her even though she doesn't know me well
They are a match made from heaven

Pastu baca kat komen rupanya dorang dah together since Form 2
Panjang nya jodoh.
So sweet weh~~~

Told bae about this and bae know I used to have a crush on him 
SO he buat muka masa I cerita tu

Also Told bae yang depa tu dah since 2007
KIta kalau ada jodoh panjang pun leh buat since 2007 jugak

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Am I'm the Only One?

Pelik ke bila aku rasa annoyed dengan someone (someone ni lelaki) yang macam bila aku tersebut aku nak something depan dia, dia macam bersungguh-sungguh nak dapatkan untuk aku sampai kalut tak bertempat.

Aku rasa macam dia pandang rendah kat aku dengan rasakan aku seorang perempuan yang tak mampu nak dapatkan something dengan effort aku sendiri

Mungkin niat dia ikhlas dan baik
Cuma aku rasa macam hmm "tak perlulah manjakan aku sangat, biarlah aku usaha sendiri"

Dengan buah hati memang la aku mengada sikit  sebab sesaja but ni we were just friends and secara tak langsung aku rasa annoyed sebab dah banyak kali jadi and dah banyak kali aku cakap aku nak 'something' tu dengan usaha sendiri.

Aku tahu salah aku macam tak menghargai
Tapi even dah cakap "Takpe I boleh buat sendiri, Thank You"
Dia still bersungguh

Thanks dude,
Tapi bagilah aku usaha sendiri yang aku nak please....

Monday, 7 August 2017

Life as a Programmer

Right now I am working as a Jr Application Software Developer in a Pte. Ltd. Audit Company
I swore I told myself not to associate myself anymore as a programmer or anything related
The least I may want to be in this field is the Front-End Developer
All these Back-End programming are going to get me nuts
I'm going bananas
Sometimes I guess maybe I should just be an ordinary Operational Clerk or anything in management division/department
I guess that would be easier than what i am doing now
The pay may be less but the job is easier
So it is a win right ?

I'm going insane with this project I'm working on right now

Friday, 4 August 2017

Dulu kecik-kecik fikir dah besar ada duit nak buat everything yg enjoy-enjoy je
Betapa tak matang nya time tu

Now all I can think about is to buy a house, buat sewa and buy another bigger houses
yeah houses
Nampak lah pemikiran dah berubah sikir bila dah besar sikit ni

Thursday, 3 August 2017

People Just Don't Get It

People just don't get it when I say I don't want an early marriage
I guess it takes a lot to understand that huh?

Frankly speaking, I think marriage is an obstacle for me to achieve my dream
You see
I was someone who was born for something great
I know that
I can see the signs everywhere
And I'm not that type who is just satisfied with being "OK, this is enough"

That doesn't mean that I am not grateful with my life
But it just so me to always feel like I should do better
It is always better than best

I have a dream
I am a girl born to be queen, and not a princess
I have responsibilities more than most people
People have high hopes on me
I did disappointed them several times
I don't want it to happen again

I don't want to be just a good wife and  a mother
I want to be an amazing wife and mother and a daughter , an even greater sister
That one woman who have great achievement in life
But ever greater at home as a housewife and a mom

It is still a long way
I don't want marriage to be a burden to me
And slowing my pace to my destination
Because I know I was born for something greater
I am thinking about my future
And my beloved's too
Sometime you have to sacrifice a lot

People like Dr Iffa really inspired me
My Ummi also
Big names like DS Zeti Akhtar Aziz
these kind of people
Is the one I look up for
They are the definition of amazing people

I really hope that people will understand
That my purpose of life is not just limited to live happily ever after
I aint no blindly follow the flow of what fate has stored for me
It  is more than that

Because I believe that we can change our own destiny
Everyone was born to be great
It takes a lot of courage and effort and sacrifice to make that happen
And I want to be one of em people

Wednesday, 2 August 2017


He talked to me about marriage
And he planned to get married tahun depan
In 2018!!!
I am just 25 at that time.
I think I am still really young for a marriage.
Like this is 2k17
25 is too early
Because I have my own dream
And I had always wanted to build an empire before I build a family
What do I do now?

Tuesday, 1 August 2017

Pretty Girls and Hygiene

Urgh I really don't want to label and stereotype people
But what else can I do
Benda ni biasa sangat jadi

Girls, pretty girls...
Nak keluar you took almost 1 hour to finish your make-up
Tapi flush toilet pun you tak reti
And then pinggan dalam singki pun tunggu berhari-hari nak basuh
Baju? For what purposes do you need to rendam lama-lama and then terus jemur like can't you smell bau hapak tu?
Lepas guna dapur tak lap, seriusly?

First few times you did that
I still can consider
I lap that dapur yang u pakai
I tolong rinse your baju
And I basuh pinggan mangkuk yang u tinggal dalam singki

But until when girl?
I feel like my nice intention - you took it for granted

Duduk ramai-ramai as housemates
We all pay the same fees
So we share the same responsibility
Your action reflects everything lah
I've been wondering how it looks like in your household girl

Keluar make-up kemain tebal
With all those brushes and what-so-ever
But just because lelaki out there don't know how you behave
So you just turn to your real self lah kat rumah?

And your friend yang tumpang rumah tu
We are already nice enough to give her a place to stay without paying a single cent
And not ranting to the landlord
The least you could do as someone who is menumpang
Is keep your barang so tak bersepah dalam rumah tu
Stoking yang dah pakai berhari-hari
The place shouldn't be in the living room
Pinggan dah guna please basuh
Guna barangan eletrik, dah guna please tutup
And flush la toilet lepas guna wahai si cantik

Sekarang aku confuse
Aku ke kau yang menumpang

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Feel like changing my blog URL
This one kinda childish

But my official name was taken so

Should I just keep this one?
People cant find me with this url so I can rant how much I like

Wednesday, 12 July 2017


Hi, so I just got an interesting yet upsetting information
Someone have been posing as me in the internet
And keep posting nonsense posts

Let me make it clear
This is the only blog I had where I let go of my feeling and creativity
My artworks
And there's none other than that

I forgive you, whoever violating my personal information
But please stop using my name to spread damages
Imagine if it was you who are in my place

This is a total nonsense

However, I am going to admit my part of mistake of exposing my own personal data which leads to this issue.
And I think I learnt the hard way to be more careful with my own information exposure

Again, I want to clarify
This is my only personal blog
(minus the previous ones which i had forgot my passwords)

If you have a grudge against someone
And happened to know that I got some history with who ever they are
Please stop !
and show yourself as who you are
instead of using me as an avatar
(This is not the first time)

I'm living my life happily right now
And focusing on my works and dream
Just so you know I have more to do than dealing with bullshits

And to think logically
Why would I do that when I'm leading a better life?
Come to your sense thank you.

So please, comply when I'm still being nice to you
Because the comeback will never be pretty.

Thank you.

Monday, 19 June 2017


Hi, I'm dedicating this post to my beloved one
I know he won't read this post because he doesn't even know this blog exist

Our meeting is a fate I guess
I've fallen in love with you in 2007
A year after we meet in July 2006
Mula-mula tu I didn't even notice your existence
But it was in form 2
You keep kacau me
And I registered you in my head as 'budak nakal yang cute tu'

You are my guy-best-friend
Everyday you never fail go to my tempat before cikgu masuk
Then waktu rehat pun sama
Until one point, I keep waiting for you to come to my tempat which is paling hujung belah kiri and yours is kat paling hujung belah kanan and by fate we site across to each other

So many times we caught ourselves staring at each other and then pura-pura buat benda lain
Literally speaking. you are the first crush I have who likes me back (but unfortunately we were never aware of each other's feeling back then)
And you are the first boy ever to give me a chocolate and I think you were the sweetest back then

And I also remember the ice-cream incident
Our hostel held a family day
at the beach
You bought me an ice-cream and asked our little 'messenger' a.k.a our junior yang jadi orang tengah to deliver it to me
I was too shy to accept it but i can't deny the butterflies in my stomach at that time
I remember how red my face had become
I refused the ice-cream and give it to our messenger
She delivered you the message
And come again at me with another new ice-cream
I think you are the sweetest back then 

And I remember that you defended me when some girls from other class come to cari gaduh with me because they think I am sombong and jeling dorang (yeah memang muka I sombong pun but I'm nice tho)
We were friends at that time
Just friends
And I remembered you defended me when we have some issue with the seniors
and I am a scapegoat back then

You may have no idea how much my heart flutters everytime you come to see me
Everytime you sit next to me
Just to ask how was my day
Just talking about random stuffs
That one time you search for my biodata from the teacher and then found my phone number
And you text me during school holiday (because we are not allowed to bring handphone to hostel)

I was 14 at that time and I experienced falling in love
It was so new to me that I'm not sure on how to react
All I know is you spell happiness to me
This is no longer a secret to the people close to me
They all know that I like you

And you once told one of my friend that you like me
But to know that from her mouth isn't as real
As I want you to say it for yourself
And I was never good with hints
And even when you give me the most obvious hints
I am still oblivious and confuse
I don't want to be perasan

Because at that time maybe your feeling is different and I don't want to end up disappointed
And that is my mistake

To be continued...

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Budak umur 12 tahun pun dah terer make-up siap buat tutorial lagi
Aku ni kenal bedak compact dengan lipbalm aje lah

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Bakal Suami Kena Kumpul Duit? C'mon Girls....

Biasa kita tengok perempuan bila nak something selalu letak caption :
"Bakal suami sila kumpul duit bla bla bla..."
Nak kahwin buat caption tu
Nak kereta buat caption tu
Nak rumah buat caption tu
Nak holiday buat caption tu

Caption ni jenis-jenis perempuan yang jenis weakling je buat
Jenis nak harapkan orang je semua.

Aku as perempuan really can't stand this kind of girls.
Like kenapa nak kena bakal suami kau?


kenapa lembik sangat?
kenapa lemah sangat?
kenapa gedik sangat?
kenapa mengada sangat?
dah takde kudrat ke?
saja nak tunjuk perempuan ni lemah, lembik dan sendu?

kenapa nak juga "bakal suami SILA KUMPUL DUIT?"

kenapa tak boleh "Jom sama-sama kita kumpul duit"
atau lagi better
"I need to start saving from now untuk dapatkan ni"

I hate perempuan lembik camni jenis-jenis yang tak reti nak usaha sendiri
C'mon dah 2017 kot
ni bukan zaman-zaman perempuan umur 20 dah kahwin because they have nothing better to do so tanggungjawab just limited kat dapur je
That was soooooo ketinggalan zaman

We can work, and earn our own money girls.

Ni zaman girls ada power
We can do both
Boleh kerja and boleh uruskan rumah tangga
That is how amazing woman these days are

Kau yang still harapkan semuanya kat lelaki
Tolonglah majukan diri

Please la jangan lembik sangat.

Monday, 27 February 2017

Tough Cookie

I'm not your friend
I'm not your family either
I'm not your colleague
Chew me the wrong way and your teeth might come out
Because I'm a tough cookie
- Zico (Tough Cookie)

Monday, 20 February 2017

Orang yang letak gambar selfie sendiri as wallpaper ni sebab dia rasa dia cantik kan?
Ke ada sebab lain?

Friday, 13 January 2017


When I turned around
I saw that I came farther than I thought
I was alone and I suddenly got afraid
When I saw myself
I didn’t know I was exhausted
I was lonely and I suddenly got afraid

"You’re doing a good job"
When I get confused, I tell myself that and just go
Be yourself, know yourself
I practiced about several thousand times
Being in despair once or twice is child’s play now
Opportunities are always ways to get up from moments of crisis, you know
Going on a trip to heaven? Hurry and pack your carrier

Don’t stop, there’s still a lot to do
Look at the photo of your parents, providing for you

You’re the mirror to your younger siblings, you’re the star of your family
Only when you cut back on your sleep, can they peacefully sleep
Hey you idiot, don’t make it obvious
Be strong, I know you’re lonely
But you need to get through it, are you crying? Be a man
Stop crying and take responsibility once more

I used to say this like a habit
That I always believe in myself
That I have no worthy opponent
But enemy was in my mirror
Maybe I lost my reasoning in this continued fight
I killed myself, even my mom is careful with me

Receiving the interest of the public
Living inside a CCTV
I only crazily dug one well
But I was afraid that could become my grave

Dad, if you’re looking at me, tell me the answer
I’m too young and soft to become an adult
I still don’t know how
It hurts too much to just crash into things
Now I know, it’s too late to foolishly whip
There are still too many unhealed wounds

When I didn’t wanna see anything
The reason I forced my eyes to open wide
Is because I was just scared
It’s because I was suddenly scared
When I didn’t wanna say anything
The reason I raised my voice
There is no other reason
It’s because I’m afraid, I’m afraid

- Mino, Taeyang

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