Monday, 4 August 2014

Dead Leaves

Unidentifiable time and space
Hands and feet that seem to float in midair
Communion between reason and instinct
Drift into deep chaos then return again

I stumble with a thud as I show my faults
You can’t tighten a screw to my ankle
As I calmly pretend that I’m alright, my body becomes frightening
My flesh hardened from emotions must have been cut, my chest feels numb

Damn, though I swallow pills, though I take 100 steps
It won’t past, it keeps rewinding
Don’t call, I won’t pick up
The fog will disappear but the moon is already covered
The me inside the mirror is like a monster, my head feels like it’ll explode
The truth became fiction, I’m lying as expected
Put makeup on my inner thoughts, so my sadness doesn’t smear
Don’t confuse the ideal with real
Lost my way inside a whirlpool, feeling empty in my chest
Is this rock coated in mud, a pearl
Who is going to tell you, don’t be so sad
In order to be reborn, I’m dying right now

A place I don’t know, in a place that I can’t reach
Is my abandoned spirit
The wind blows sharply, making me crash
And I’m trampled into the ground
The faintly seen color disappeared
My frame that has half fallen away
And I in the Spring, who was so vibrant 
I’ll fade away while longing for him
(down down down)
dead leaves

Struggle without condition
It’s not because I have many enemies, I just have no one on my side
Because I didn’t want to get hurt, I became alone
Seeing from the other side, this is such a noisy world
After warming myself with the dusty sunlight, the rain comes
The blue-green leaf changes to red
I couldn’t stand clear of the natural accident
I could fall asleep, I need to readjust my jetlag from emotion

Please don’t leave me alone
Leaving me behind, everything fell away I didn’t know
I’m fighting back the biting wind, That’s no way
Abandoned because it’s the last, and I breath in the cold air
Yeah, be well my friends, my house and my soul
Thank goodness everything else is safe
This is the last time, final
And then leave fall, times over

A place I don’t know, in a place that I can’t reach
Is my abandoned spirit
The wind blows sharply, making me crash
And I’m trampled into the ground
The faintly seen color disappeared
My frame that has half fallen away
And I in the Spring, who was so vibrant 
I’ll fade away while longing for him
(down down down)
dead leaves

- Zico

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Broken



hi guys...
it's been a while right?

i pity this blog of mine. I only come here... once in a while, whenever i'm down or depressed... for i don't know, where else should i share the suffocating burden that buried deep inside me...

i'll be writing in English... i'm a little comfortable this way whenever i let out all my feelings go..
leave if you hate me and stay if you are willing to...
i'm not forcing....

like i wrote before, i was here because i'm depressed... again..
i actually cried the moment i'm writing this..
to think again, people didn't really see me cry that often... and yeah now i'm all alone because i never let anyone see my tears anymore...
i was hurt a lot... like a lot..
I've been hurt more than i can bear it that i started to hate anything that pains me instead of forgiving them. peoples call me an egoist, i heard it often.
and that words actually doesn't affect me anymore now like it used to be before.
people see me as a tough girl without any feeling , heartless and only up to myself. i need to say that i'm actually quite fragile on the inside.  
i want to love and really want to be loved too..
but myself still isn't prepared for it yet...
i used to misunderstand what is love before and at the end i just hurt myself...
i regret it to the fullest...
and now here i am locking my heart to anyone who tries to enter it...
i never realised it... that in the end i just killing myself...
people who loved me start to drift away and i know it is because of me...
i never really appreciate their presence.
not because i don't want to.
actually i do... but i have a hard time to show my feeling...
 what can i do when another part of me still doesn't dare to take the challenge again?
my alter ego just don't want to be hurt again... yet me... still want to feel the blissful feeling all over again, just like before.
i fake myself , being the one who's not me... 
smile all the time, being hateful at most time...
this is my first time in 2014 that i cried...
i keep everything inside me before...
consoling myself for i know that no one will ever do it for me...
saying that no one is worth my tears...
but i still know that i can't lie to myself forever...
the moment i cried i still wish there will be someone that would come here wiping away all my tears and tell me : "please don't cry , tomorrow will be better. i'll make it better for you."

but in the end, it will be just me who will do that...

it's been a while and i wondered when will this broken heart 'll be healed..
this heart of mine...

will this be the end??





Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Oh Lamenyer tak update!

Oh lamenyer tak update. Tapi tak tahu nk update ape ponn...
Oke sekian terima kasih...

Esok aq kne panggil lagiii...

Waa~~~

Bile nak abes nasib aku yang mcam nie nih....



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